Welcome to the Pleasuredome?

As anyone familiar with the works of Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Frankie Goes to Hollywood, prog rock legends Rush or even Olivia Newton John knows “In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree”. However, at the time nobody thought Xanadu would be found just off the Tottenham High Road, or that the pleasure dome would contain a helpful force field around the Spurs goal.

After the usual inexplicable collapse from title contenders to Europa League candidates, Spurs seemed to have discovered how to win just in time for their best players to… inexplicably collapse. The good news is that they are already planning to “come back even stronger” but who for, United?

Meanwhile the “Pharaoh of Anfield” Mo Salah continues to, you guessed it, inexplicably collapse in the penalty box, where gravity (or the sun reflecting off Herr Klopp’s scary new gnashers) seems to affect him in a strange way.

Meanwhile the laws of nature are working correctly on the Fantasy Football Broker League, with the cream rising to the top.

Broker League Leaders

The wily Steve Miller, manager of “Mane Mane Mane!” won the Manager of the Month award for March by a comfortable margin of 11 points from the chasing pack, despite a poor final week. Steve knows how to finish the season strongly and a cunning GW 31 wildcard amassed enough points to give him the win.

As the real MoM is Jurgen Klopp, the winner will receive a warm Liebfraumilch. Jurgonna get your prize shortly Steve as you are only around the corner from our offices in Denmead. For those of you that have visited Stride Towers, you’ll know that the usual peace and quiet has recently been disturbed by the building of a care home about 6 feet away from our front door. “Just in time” say some of those familiar with the Stride Group board, whose efforts at Fantasy Football have been put to shame by the broking community this season.

In a spooky symmetry between fantasy and reality, the battle for championship glory has developed into a duel between the top two most consistent divers, I mean performers, with “Jems Jems” managed by Jemma Schofield having a narrow lead from the ever present David Bramley-Harker’s team “Sarri I havent a Kalou”. Jemma holds the lead despite handing the captaincy of her team to Sergio Aguero, whose bizarre new “silver fox” hairstyle would be more in place at the care home next door than a football pitch. Equally his shooting is showing signs of premature senility. City’s owners have since demanded that a barn door is installed at their state of the art training facilities. Let’s hope it’s more effective than UEFA’s lame efforts to shed some light on the FFP scandal at the club. Put it this way, I’m sure the sponsors can afford to pay the fine… isn’t that why it’s called the “business end of the season”?

With only 5 games to go, could someone sneak up unnoticed and nick it? In these situations you should always look out for a baby-faced assassin and Stride’s own Connor Grigg could yet gatecrash the party. At least in our league there is still time for the “big two” to be caught!

Good luck to all players for the run-in and may all of your game weeks be double.